The Ego:Friend or Foe? Part I
“The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.”
This quote is from the movie Revolver (2005); with Jason Stratham, Ray Liotta, and Andre Benjamin. In case you haven’t seen this film, go to this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolver_(film) for a synopsis. I love this movie because it deals with an enemy many of us don’t even know exists, the ego.
What is the Ego Anyway?
Dr. Sigmund Freud defined the Ego as the mediator between the Id (the source of your basic urges and desires) and the Super Ego (which creates your morals and values). It helps the Id fulfill its desires through socially appropriate ways. However, this isn’t the definition I’m referring to. Beyonce described the Ego by its characteristics. Specifically, Mrs. Knowles-Carter defined it as “Too Big” and “Too Wide”; we’re definitely not talking about that definition! So what is your ego? Your ego is your self-perception. It is the set of opinions, beliefs, likes, and dislikes you have about yourself. It is also everything you’ve been told about yourself. In addition it extends beyond your mind to the job that you have, the amount of money you make, and your property. It is EVERYTHING that you believe you are and EVERYTHING you associate with yourself. Your family is part of your ego, as well as your gender and race. Simply stated, if you think about a fence, your ego is EVERYTHING that you believe is within that fence’s boundaries.
The Purpose of the Ego
In actuality, everything is relative. There is no right or wrong, or good or bad. Everything just IS, but it is our perspectives that make things so. Human beings are creatures that NEED a point of reference from which to operate in this world. We’re not comfortable with the unknown; therefore we need familiar boundaries and patterns to operate within. That’s why we have homes and aren’t nomadic. We need to know we have a place that is ours. We even have home pages on our computers, and homeroom in our schools! These all serve as starting points from which we can navigate the world. In psychology, the ego is this point of reference. Having an ego allows us to navigate the world from a particular point of view. It allows us to understand our place in the world by comparing and contrasting or perspective with others.
How is the Ego Born?
Our egos are given to us. We don’t create them. The ego is conceived the moment someone tells us about ourselves and we’re able to internalize it. As children, we are told, “Oh you are so smart”, or “You’re so pretty”, or on the flip side, “Oh you’re so dumb”, or “You’re so ugly”. When we hear those things consistently, THE EGO IS BORN! During childhood, we’re not self aware enough to define ourselves. Therefore, our ego is given to us by our parents, our classmates, our teachers, and other people who we interact daily. Their opinions give us feedback on who we are, and play a huge part in developing our personality.
The Anatomy of the Ego
The ego is a direct result of the feedback that we’ve received from others in our lives. I’m going to use myself as an example. As a child, I was always told that I was smart. I’ve heard this about myself for as long as I can remember. I was told that I used to spell words as a child, was labeled gifted as an early age, and received tons of recognition for my academic accomplishments. After a while, I believed it and it became a major part of my identity. I was also told I was extremely creative. As a child, I won a lot of creative writing contests, and wrote songs and produced music at an early age. These are two major components of my ego. If my ego was a pie chart, my intelligence is about 40%, creativity 35%, and 25% miscellaneous. How can you find out the major parts of your ego? Esteem wise, what are your most consistent thoughts about yourself? When you describe yourself to others, what are the first things you say? Do you say, “I’m Marsha, and I’m a very giving person”, or “I’m Marsha, an attorney for Jackson and Associates”. The first adjectives you use to describe yourself are probably major components of your ego pie chart. Also, what possessions can you not live without? If you lost your cell phone, would you freak out or simply buy another one? If a minor fender bender created a small scratch in your luxury car, would you get bent out of shape or simply disregard it? If you cringe at the thought of living without a particular piece of personal property or living without another person than those things have become integrated into your ego as well. The ego always looks to expand itself, and to integrate other things into it! That’s why people yearn having tons of money and gigantic homes! These things are merely the ego trying to expand its boundaries. In part two of this series, we will explore the relationship between you and your ego (yes they are separate). Check back in a day or two for Part II of The Ego: Friend or Foe.
Great article!!