The Ego: Friend of Foe? Part III
In Part II of The Ego: Friend or Foe? , we exposed the ego as our false self. We discovered that the personality characteristics which we use to describe ourselves are relative, thus impermanent. Lastly we discovered that by building our identity based on these impermanent characteristics, we are dooming ourselves to suffering and are also building our identities on an unstable foundation.
The Self as a Process
We like to think of ourselves as relatively permanent beings. As individuals, we take comfort in a consistent self. We tend to think of ourselves as the same person that we were as a child (barring changes that come along with physical maturation). However, to be honest, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Every second, new cells are born in your body and old ones die. Through respiration, external atoms and molecules enter your body, and old ones leave it. I can guarantee you that EVERY cell that composed your teenage body has died and been replaced with new ones. Everything about you has changed. Your brain changes with every waking moment. New synaptic connections are being made daily. Physically, there is nothing about you that is permanent. Your physical body is a process. You are born, then you go through rapid growth as an infant, child, and teen. Then after reaching its physical peak around 25 years old, your body starts to deteriorate slowly until you die in your elderly years.
Many of us don’t consider that our self perception is also a process. As an infant, we don’t have a self perception; then one day, magically, the ego appears. The ego is merely a set of boundaries that an individual uses to define themselves. However, as you grow older, these definitions change. Despite these changes, the ego strives to maintain itself as a consistent entity; and the ego will attempt to maintain this consistency even if it is detrimental to your well-being!
For example, imagine you were told that you weren’t worthy of being loved your entire childhood. As a result of constantly hearing how worthless you were, this belief became engrained in your ego. Then, suppose you meet someone who truly loves you, and this person expresses their love for you daily through gifts, words of affirmation, and emotional support. Instead of accepting that this person actually loves you, your ego would come up with all types of excuses for why this person is either lying or inadequate in some way. THE EGO WOULD RATHER BE CONSISTENT THAN HAPPY! Think about how this limits us.
We all have insecurities, and the ego strives to keep these insecurities intact because they are part of how we define ourselves. Why do you think old habits and ways of thinking die hard? Because the ego fights to keep them intact! Imagine how many people allow their ego to limit their potential. I’m sure there are great orators in this world who the masses will never hear because their ego believes that they are too shy to speak in public. I am sure that there are great businessmen who will never manifest their vision because their ego tells them that they are a failure. The ego would rather be consistent than right, so defying yourself is actually quite threatening to it. Succeeding at things that you’ve always thought you weren’t good at frightens the ego to death! It scares the ego because a piece of it actually dies when you succeed. If being a screw up with the ladies is part of your ego identity, getting beautiful women’s phone numbers and having them interested in you literally kills part of your ego. To make a long story short, the ego puts a ceiling on our potential for growth!
Life Without Limits
Who you are isn’t a laundry list of interests, physical descriptors, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. Who you are is who you define yourself as. In Part IV of The Ego: Friend or Foe, we will go more in depth into living life without boundaries. Until then!
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